BDSM Items

Harder isn't better, adjustable is

The classic first purchase is the most serious-looking piece on the page. Stiff fixed clamps or a heavy paddle feel like proper BDSM gear. Then the session ends after five minutes and the toy lives in a drawer. What makes impact and sensation play work is control, meaning the ability to start light and build up slowly.

For nipples, that means clamps with a screw or a sliding ring so you can set the pressure yourself. Magnetic pairs like the Armony butterfly and rabbit clamps grip more gently and add vibration, which many people enjoy more than plain pressure. For impact, a fringed whip such as the Bijoux Indiscrets Lilly spreads each stroke over a wide area, and the soft-blow whips are made for warming up. A paddle lands as a concentrated thud, so it suits a second stage better than a first.

Metal doesn't stretch, so measure first

Rings make up a large share of this section, many of them steel pieces from Metal Hard. They look great and are easy to clean. The catch is that a metal ring cannot be eased off the way silicone can, and one that is too tight is hard to remove in a hurry.

• Check the inner diameter in the product details and compare it with a measurement taken when soft.
• If you are between sizes, go slightly larger. An adjustable leather penis strap is a forgiving way to test the feeling first.
• Take it off straight away if you notice numbness, coldness or dark discolouration. A common guideline is no more than 20 to 30 minutes at a time.

Chastity rings with a cage attached, like the Metal Hard Bird or Lancelot, are worn for longer, so the fit matters even more. Have a look at the chastity cages if longer wear is the plan.

Electro, sounds and doctor games

These are for people who already know their limits. ElectraStim units send low pulses through conductive toys and pads. Keep electrostim below the waist and never run current across the chest. Only use pads and attachments made for electrostimulation, since ordinary metal toys do not spread the current safely.

Urethral dilators need sterile handling, plenty of sterile lube and patience, starting with the smallest size in the set. Our tip: read up properly before ordering one.

Whatever you choose, agree a safe word before you start. As the Burnett Foundation puts it, "ouch" is not a safe word. Steel and silicone wash well with warm water and mild soap, and plugs shared between partners should get a fresh condom each time.